Doodledash

Ed McMahon died a few days ago. Farrah Fawcett died today. Then the biggest shocker of all, Michael Jackson. These are three people who have had or been a part of my life. Ed McMahon was Johnny's partner. There would have never been a "Heeeeerrrrreeee'ssss Johnny" without Ed. I used to stay up watching the Tonight Show when I was a kid and Ed was a part of it. I watched the Jerry Lewis telethon and Ed was there as a part of it. Publishers Clearinghouse. StarSearch. Ed was a part of it all. Farrah Fawcett was the toss the blond mane and shake it dream girl of everyone. Her smile on the poster, the red swimsuit, the flashing teeth and blonde hair made every boy drool and every girl dream. She was so cool, so Charlie's Angel. She was married to the Six Million Dollar Man and then divorced him and took up with his friend, Ryan O'Neal. Scandalous and delicious. Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, the cute little guy who could dance from the Jackson Five. Thriller, Of...

I have been really stressed at work lately. I like my job. I like helping people. I like to talk to them and help solve their problems. One aspect of my job is hard for me. I cringe and get tense everytime I have a certain situation. I dread the calls. It has really started to affect me negatively. I realized that I have to take control of the situation. I cannot let this dread and this fear paralyze me. It is such an awful feeling and it has to stop now. "This situation is unacceptable and I am going to beat it. I am going to beat it. I am going to turn this around and be the victor over it. I will not dread it. I will not be afraid of it. I can do this for myself. I have to do this for my family. I will make it and master it until it is natural for me." This is one of my new mantras.

I am full of questions tonight. Why do dogs turn in circles before they lay down? Does it somehow make it more comfortable? Why is Brett Favre's last name pronounced farve when it is spelle favre? Why does freshly mowed grass smell so good? Why does my dog always know what time I am coming home? One day I finally figured out it was the bird clock that alerts him of the time. Why is losing weight so darn hard? How come there is not some wonderful tasty food that has no calories and would help you lose weight? Why are people still so in love and enthralled with Obama as he keeps piling up this incredible debt and sellinbg our country down the river? Why do people like black licorice? Why is it possible to have baseball, football, basketball and hockey seasons all at the same time? Why does my husband zealously maintain control of the remote and dmoan and groan when he can't find it?

The anchor holds though the ship is battered...Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls all your waves and breakers wash over me. Psalms 42:7 Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers wash over me. I stand on the shore watching the tide come in. All the waves are rolling in and they batter the shore. They crash upon the rocks. The rocks stand up to their power. The rocks can't fight the power of the waves. Instead they stand there in the open, letting the waves wash over them smoothing out the roughness, removing the hard edges. The crushing power of the breakers wears down the harshness of the rocks leaving smoothly worn surfaces. The rocks can't fight the waves. It is impossible for them to get up and run away. The rocks must accept what is given them. The waves don't always batter and crash. Sometimes they gently slide over the surface gently caressing the rocks. Sometimes there is peace and a quiet. The rocks cannot know wha...

I love rocks. When people are traveling, I will often ask them to bring back a small rock for me. I don't know why. I just love rocks. This a picture at the start of Minnehaha Creek at the Grays Bay Dam on Lake Minnetonka. I love going fishing here and just sitting and watching. They got great rocks here and I love to watch the water rushing out of the dam onto the rocks. It makes me smile.

Memorial Day weekend we made a quick trip to Omaha for my nephew's open house. He graduated from high school. Amy stayed home with Katie and we all had some away time. It was good for all of us. Dane had a great time with the boys and I had a nice quiet time visiting and reading. It was short but very sweet. Amy loved the freedom and independence of a parent free, girls only weekend. I think Logan was the only one who missed us! Dane got to play Guitar Star or Rock Band on the Wii and showed everyone why he is not the lead singer of the Who! I had a shot at it and it is a lot harder than it looks. There was a high scoring game of Wiffle ball and Dane learned how to play lacrosse. I am very proud of myself because yesterday I got the closet in my kitchen cleaned out and reorganized. This is a huge accomplishment for me. I threw out stuff and the shelves are neat and clean. It made me feel pretty good. I have been to get something accomplished everyday and am doing it more than 50% ...

I watched Mamma Mia again tonight. It is a fun, enjoyable movie. The music is bouncy and great for singing along. It is bright and colorful. It has a great cast. Pierce Brosnan is not a singer but that is okay. He is easy on the eyes. I sat there thinking so many things. I have become so used to the way the world is. Babies are born without fathers and no one blinks an eye. I recently read unmarried mothers account for 40% of births these days. Alternate lifestyles are no big deal and are celebrated. The moral bonds that used to restrain things have loosened up considerably. I read something in a book that has made me think a lot. A man was feeding his goldfish and commented that to the fish, he is the god who gives food twice a day. I feed my daughter's fish twice a day. I clean the tank when it is dirty and scoop out the floaters when necessary. Whenever I come near, they rush up waiting for food. It may not be meal time but that is the conditioned response. I have been condition...

I am a person who has a more negative bent by nature although by the grace of God, He is working on that and I am changing. When you look at the world through rose- colored glasses, you see things in a way that is too optimistic and not real. When you see things through the gray lenses, you miss so many of the wonderful things that are out there because everything looks so dismal. I read a lot of very interesting things and have a great interest in paranormal things, things on the edge, conspiracy theory, and Biblical end time prophecies. I believe that we are living in very interesting times. One of the people who works with Amy was telling me about a priest that I am sure she fully expected me to have not a clue about who he was. When I told her I was familar with him and she expanded on her interests and discussion of things, she was very surprised that I was knowledgeable about strong spiritual and end depth matters. At a friends neighborhood party, I engaged one of the neighbors i...

Amy is home from school today. She has been restless and not sleeping well. Her leg has been very sore and aching. It has made her really uncomfortable and hurt. I loaded her up with ibuprofen and hope she will get some sleep this morning. She stayed home yesterday too and it was a pretty quiet day. We kept the tv off and relaxed. Yesterday was Dane's birthday. I gave him his gifts and then he realized I had forgotten one! Boy did I feel dumb! I had ordered a Twins hoodie for him and it was still in the package by the front door. He did open it and it is really nice. He even offered to let me try it on but he was not happy when I offered to wear when I went to Target. Mario Kart was on of his gifts from Amy. Oh, I forgot to mention that in the past week a Wii has joined our household. It is really fun. Wii Sports is the game included with it and we have played Tennis and Golf and Baseball on it. It is fun. I love the rumble feel you get using the control. One of the really fun thi...

It is a beautiful spring day here. I am cooking some green beans and feeding Amy. We are going over to my parents for dinner today and I am bringing beans. I want to wish everyone a very Happy and Blessed Easter. I want to thank my Lord for going through hell to get me to heaven. It is the greatest gift ever and I thank you for it. My dear husband has to work today so he will not be at dinner which makes me very sad. I will bring him some food but it is his presence that I will miss. Amy had fun looking for her Easter basket. I thought I had picked a bad location but it turned out to be a very good one. We spent 45 minutes looking for it before it was found. I had fun helping her and doling out hints along the way. Her basket contained an itunes card which was highly coveted! She goes through itunes cards frequently. She is one of their better customers! Reina--I hope your Easter turns out well and it is a peaceful day. Lynne--hope your mandatory attendance is appreciated. Destiny--han...

I was thinking about you this morning. I think about you a lot. You have a very special place in my life. You have been more than just my aunt. You have been my friend, my mentor, my confidante and my beloved aunt. You have been such a strength in my life and you are so important to me. I feel bad because I have not taken the time to come and visit you since you had your stroke. It is hard to think of you not being the same as I always remember you. Part of me wants to keep the memories I have now but that is not being fair. Amy was going out the door this morning and she told me how scared she was about going to the doctor. She was also concerned that she just couldn't do it-it being math, etc--all the work of school. She has been very overloaded and overwhelmed by stress from things going on in her life these days. I put my hand on her head and prayed for her. I prayed for clear thoughts and peace. I told her she doesn't to accept all the thoughts of fear. She needs to think ...

On Monday, a month after my friend Jone died, someone very precious to me swallowed a handful of pills and decided the world would be a better without her. She was under the impression that she was not loved and that she was wanted dead by those near and dear to her. I am very happy to say that she made a phone call which was a desperate call for help and she is still in the land of the living. I got a text message telling me that she had taken pills and to pray for her. I remember gasping and was choking on my sobs. I prayed and made some calls to find out what was happening. I was so shaken and so stunned that she would do that. I have had times in my life when death was something I craved. I understand the depths of the pain and wanting to be free of it. I have been there but I always knew I was loved and that my death would cause immense pain. I cried so hard that her life felt so worthless to her. I cried for the pain that we were feeling. I cried because it hurt so bad. Dane whis...

It looks like my oldest daughter has got herself a rat. I hate rodents. I hate them in any size shape or form. Her facebook page has a picture of her with this creature on her shoulder and she looks like she is whispering sweet nothings to it. Yuck. She has a cat so maybe the cat won't like the rat and the rat won't be able to take the cheese. Anyway, snow is melted most places. Warm was here for a while and then flew the coop. I am hoping it warms up this weekend because I have it off. I am in desperate need of some time off. I am trying to regroup from accumulated stress and tension in my life. Tomorrow is the last day of the week and I am looking forward to it. Relatives are visiting from Omaha for the Frozen Four tournament at the X. I look forward to visiting with them between the games. I hate mice. I hate rats. I hate meeses to pieces.

My ultrasound was normal and now I have to take some prilosec to see if it was stomach issues. Glad to get that news. American Idol is on right now. There are some really good singers on it. I like Danny a lot. They are singing Michael Jackson songs. I like his music just can't stand who he has become.

Tomorrow is going to be long day. I have to get a mammogram, a temporary filling filled, my teeth cleaned, the dog groomed and an ultrasound on my gall bladder/liver area. I have had pressure on the upper quadrant on the right side for quite a while. No pain just pressure and I promised myself after Jone died, there would be no more putting stuff off. I am getting it checked out. Problem is that I have been under serious attack with all the thoughts of what could it be and the battle against fear has been awful. I am scared but I need more to know what it is than to be afraid of it. I went to the doctor last week who said it could be gall bladder but who really knew so she did blood tests and wanted the ultrasound done to see what was there. I told my brother about it and he said the most wonderful prayer for me. It was what I needed to hear. I know that God is in control and I have to hang on to him. No more food for the night since you have to fast. Good night to all.

I have been in a training class at work this week and my brain is having some difficulties. It is overloaded and tired. I feel really sad today. I went on break and really missed Jone. It is weird how it's the little things that get you the most. It will get easier every day. I feel really fat. I am stopping the junk and the crap. I am going to exercise come knees or not. I am hormonal right now so, of course, that never makes things any better. I am not really hungry tonight. Food has no interest for me tonight. Nothing is real interesting for me tonight. I feel sad and worn out. I need the weekend. I need to smile right now but I can't find one at the moment. Good night.

I am never again going to wait for a better time. I am now going to do what I need to do NOW not the future. I am going to stop being afraid. I am going to say the things that need to be said. Dane--I love you. Thank you for the greatest gift I have ever received and that was your love. Your love helped me fulfill my deepest most heartfelt dream to be a mother. If not for you, I would not have our beautiful daughters. Thank you my dearest. Katie--You have brought me so much joy. I love you with all my heart. You were an answer to prayers that I didn't know I had. I am so proud of you and think you are truly an amazing woman. Amy--You challenge me in ways I never knew were possible. I love you so fiercely that it hurts. I am so proud of you. You have brought so much joy and laughter to my life that sometimes it hurts from laughing. You are truly an inspiration to me. Mom--You are such an amazing woman. I could not have a better role model, a better mom. You live your life in a way t...

I want to say that my dear friend, Jone, passed away this morning. Her body was just not strong enough to fight anymore and she died. I talked to a good friend of hers who was there with her. Paula said that all her family and friends were able to be with her which made me happy. Her cousin, who is a priest was able to be there and gave her last rites. When he said 'Amen,' she took her last breath. Paula said it was like she had been holding on and waiting for him. I had a dream this morning. I was at work and Jone came in. She was there to say goodbye. She told me it was time to leave. I walked around with her for a while as she talked to people and said her farewells and then it was my turn. She told me that it was time to go and hugged me. I didn't want her to leave. I didn't understand why she thought she had to go. I woke up thinking how real it had been. I wasn't able to get back to sleep so l laid there and prayed for Jone, her family and friends. When I got ...

Today I wrote in the guestbook of my friend Jone on her caring bridge site www.caringbridge.org/visit/jonefaroun1 and I didn't know what to say. I have tried several times to leave a message but it always sounded so phony. It is one thing to be tongue tied when speaking but when I am tongue tied writing then I know I have a problem. Anyway, I am waiting to watch the first part of the Top Chef finale which will start in a few minutes but I am going to have to record it because I need to watch Amy's hair. Dane is busy channel surfing and stopped on Shawshank Redemption for a moment. I really do need to watch that movie sometime. I keep hearing how good it is. It is supposed to be colder tonight and tomorrow. I thought the cold temps were done with and we were going to be having some more reasonable temperatures in the 30s. I do not like the cold single and teen digits we have had. It is suckyville . Reina is complaining about 50. Suck it up girl. I will take it anytime rain or...

Happy Valentine's Day. Thank you for being my strength and support. Thank you for your love and your laughter. Thank you for being patient. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for being my helper. Thank you for being my husband and mate and the love of my life. I love you Dane. Happy Valentine's Day!