Doodledash

On Monday, a month after my friend Jone died, someone very precious to me swallowed a handful of pills and decided the world would be a better without her. She was under the impression that she was not loved and that she was wanted dead by those near and dear to her. I am very happy to say that she made a phone call which was a desperate call for help and she is still in the land of the living. I got a text message telling me that she had taken pills and to pray for her. I remember gasping and was choking on my sobs. I prayed and made some calls to find out what was happening. I was so shaken and so stunned that she would do that. I have had times in my life when death was something I craved. I understand the depths of the pain and wanting to be free of it. I have been there but I always knew I was loved and that my death would cause immense pain. I cried so hard that her life felt so worthless to her. I cried for the pain that we were feeling. I cried because it hurt so bad. Dane whis...

It looks like my oldest daughter has got herself a rat. I hate rodents. I hate them in any size shape or form. Her facebook page has a picture of her with this creature on her shoulder and she looks like she is whispering sweet nothings to it. Yuck. She has a cat so maybe the cat won't like the rat and the rat won't be able to take the cheese. Anyway, snow is melted most places. Warm was here for a while and then flew the coop. I am hoping it warms up this weekend because I have it off. I am in desperate need of some time off. I am trying to regroup from accumulated stress and tension in my life. Tomorrow is the last day of the week and I am looking forward to it. Relatives are visiting from Omaha for the Frozen Four tournament at the X. I look forward to visiting with them between the games. I hate mice. I hate rats. I hate meeses to pieces.

My ultrasound was normal and now I have to take some prilosec to see if it was stomach issues. Glad to get that news. American Idol is on right now. There are some really good singers on it. I like Danny a lot. They are singing Michael Jackson songs. I like his music just can't stand who he has become.

Tomorrow is going to be long day. I have to get a mammogram, a temporary filling filled, my teeth cleaned, the dog groomed and an ultrasound on my gall bladder/liver area. I have had pressure on the upper quadrant on the right side for quite a while. No pain just pressure and I promised myself after Jone died, there would be no more putting stuff off. I am getting it checked out. Problem is that I have been under serious attack with all the thoughts of what could it be and the battle against fear has been awful. I am scared but I need more to know what it is than to be afraid of it. I went to the doctor last week who said it could be gall bladder but who really knew so she did blood tests and wanted the ultrasound done to see what was there. I told my brother about it and he said the most wonderful prayer for me. It was what I needed to hear. I know that God is in control and I have to hang on to him. No more food for the night since you have to fast. Good night to all.

I have been in a training class at work this week and my brain is having some difficulties. It is overloaded and tired. I feel really sad today. I went on break and really missed Jone. It is weird how it's the little things that get you the most. It will get easier every day. I feel really fat. I am stopping the junk and the crap. I am going to exercise come knees or not. I am hormonal right now so, of course, that never makes things any better. I am not really hungry tonight. Food has no interest for me tonight. Nothing is real interesting for me tonight. I feel sad and worn out. I need the weekend. I need to smile right now but I can't find one at the moment. Good night.