Doodledash

I sat next to the child. Respirator on her face. Warm blanket to stop the temperature from dropping. Her dark hair and closed eyes. Whoosh. Whoosh. The machine breathed for her. I sat there for 13 days and watched her slip away into a world far away from me. It was time to say goodbye. I couldn't be there for the disconnect. I went to the chapel. It was quiet and serene. Unlike my soul. Unlike my life. I was about to say goodbye to my daughter. Try to imagine that. Try to imagine that countdown. In 15 minutes. 10 minutes. 5 minutes. 1 minute. It was time to go and say goodbye. I had to walk into that room where her daddy stood with the doctor. I saw her. Her eyes were closed and the mask was gone. I could see her face for the last time. I could say goodbye for the last time. I had to say goodbye for the last time.

Within me you grew and lived through my grief with me. It became a part of you. Life threw back its ugly head and laughed. You again were part of something you did not understand and it became a part of you. She was born and you lived through her life and it became a part of you. The hurt and the injured are drawn to you. And they become a part of you. You are embarking down an unknown path and I hope you let HIM become a part of you. You need His strength right now more than you even know. I hope that you reach out and let Him be there for you. Let my love be a part of you.

This is going to sound really dumb and really stupid. A few years ago my daughter started playing Neopets. She really enjoyed it and I got some pets for myself. It was something we could share and talk about and have fun with. She has decided not to do it anymore. I have kept it up even though she hasn't. I was looking at her stuff tonight and a wave of sadness hit me. I wanted to cry. She is really leaving the things of childhood behind her and growing up. It is hard to have your kid grow up and get ready to leave. I had a lot of struggles and tears about it the past year. I have gotten a lot stronger and more accepting of it though. It just caught me by surprise tonight and I have this lump just sitting in the pit of my stomach along with a few tears. I am so thankful that I have such a good relationship with her and her sister. I treasure that because it is so precious and so special. She is not only my daughter but my friend. I think that is why it makes it even harder to have ...

This has been a weird week. Terri Schiavo died. I was really upset about the whole thing that went on with that and how it was all portrayed by the media. Now the Pope dies. He was elected shortly after I was married. He was a great man. I had a major meltdown and took a day off work because of it. The stress of stuff really got to me and I needed to have a good cry. My knee hurt too so it was good to be off. I spent the morning at my mom's house and talked and cried. It helped a lot. I ended up going out to lunch with my parents. It was really nice. I had a real sense of peace after it all. I was very thankful. Denise, my friend and the mother of Sophia Grace, visited us with Sophie. She is seven months old and the most beautiful smiley happiest baby ever. Amy adored her. She giggled and laughed when Amy talked to her. We love this little girl who we prayed for a lot before she was even conceived. She is a real answer to prayer and what a blessing for Denise and Martin. Tonight m...