Doodledash

This morning I looked in the mirror Expecting teo see my brassiere But my eyes came to rest On my belly undressed As big as a blimp named goodyear. Needless to say when I saw my belly the size of a blimp, it was a slap on the face. I weigh more now than I have in my whole life and I am not happy about it. I've got all sorts of excuses I can use--I've had a lot of stress which is true--it's been more stress than I've had to deal with in a long long time. My mother-in-law was hospitalized with a staph infection and we didn't know if she'd live or die. She survived it but was in a nursing home rehab for several weeks.  My oldest daughter got married. My youngest daughter was having a lot of difficulties with different issues and that made me really stressed. My husband was dealing with the burden of making decisions for his mom and dealing with his mom. She has never been an easy person ever. One of my daughter's caregivers had family and health ...

I am very angry right now. My daughter is getting married in a few weeks and she doesn't have the money to pay for it. She asked to get cash instead of the gift we were planning on giving. She wants to pay for the food with the money. I really wanted to give her the gift we selected. It was important to me. We're already paying for the photographer. I paid for my own wedding. Why can't she? There was no planning or saving for the wedding. It was decided to do it once a law passed. It had to be done then. I don't understand why there wasn't any planning or saving for it. It's caused a lot of stress for my family. I know she's stressed and that's why she asked for the cash. Am I overreacting? I feel cheated and disrespected. It's not fair.

Tonight I cried for the passing of my youth, for the passing of childhood, for the passing of time. I cried for the passing years of my kids childhood, for the memories of joy and tears, for the changing. I'm not young anymore. I still have dreams buried somewhere. It's all passing so fast. Where am I going? Where am I going to be? I wish I knew.