Doodledash

Right now everything is major and I know when I have some distance, it will be in better perspective but for now it sucks.  I am making progress with changes in my life which is awesome. I am being more diligent and doing things in a more timely manner. I am trying not to be mad at myself and to forgive myself. That is all good stuff. Other stuff though is making me very gggrrrrr. Amy came home and had to vent about school. I am glad she did so we could get some things resolved. I had to make a phone call and talk to her case manager about the fact that she did not have a para who was scheduled to be with her for her afternoon classes. The teacher who was supposed to be in charge of it forgot. It made me very angry and Amy was mad. It was uncalled for and it will not happen again.  There has been some definite communication issues in this family. Too many assumptions and too much defensive reactions. Too much walking on eggshells. Too much tension and stress. It is oo...

I have always liked the color yellow. My bedroom was a pale yellow growing up. My kitchen is a sunny happy yellow. I can't wear yellow it makes me look jaundiced. I do love the color though. In the English language, yellow is associated with jaundice and being cowardly. It is the second color in a stop light indicating caution. A coward is called a yellow belly. It is associated with aging with both people and paper. I feel yellow.Yellow in the way of being cowardly and cautious and old. I don't have the sunny happy yellow in me lately. I realized that I have been very impatient, snapping and reacting to everything. I do it without realized it. I even stopped talking for a while because I was walking on eggshells around myself. I didn't want to open my mouth and say something wrong. I have been really defensive and frustrated. Unlike this lovely flower picured above I feel all moldy and dark inside. It is quite unpleasant. Yesterday, I had a chat with ...

The past few weeks have been an enormous challenge for me. Stress has been a constant companion trying to catch me unaware and either kick me or bite me in the butt when I am not paying attention. Nasty stuff. There has been so much stuff happening that it has all piled up and it collapsed on me the other night.  I need to do a rundown of it to clear my mind... School started which is always a major hurdle. New paras, new teachers, new classes, the uncertainty is hard for Amy. Breaking in a group of people is hard because of her special needs. Thankfully one of her PCA's from the summer, Kris is working with her in school and she knows what to do. That was a blessing. Katie lost her job and is looking for a new one. She also moved in the midst of that. Money is a huge stresser for us all and it is hard not to get worried. Being a parent and watching your kids go through the hard times is just as hard as when I had to go through them for myself. I so want to spare her but that i...