Doodledash

A week ago I was struggling fiercely with a multitude of issues and drowning. Today the issues are still there but I am not struggling. I know what they are. I can feel them. I decided that I can't take responsibility for them and so I don't have to be overwhelmed by them. I am very thankful that I have pushed through them. My daughter got engaged a few days ago. I was surprised by it and it is not real easy for me. I love her with all my heart but I don't support the choices that she has made. I have and I continue to learn to walk in love and to not condemn those who believe differently than myself. It is a challenge for me and I am a work in progress. I do very much love you honey and I will always be there for you no matter what. I am proud of you for the woman that you are and I have great respect for you. My ultimate wish is for you to be happy. I do love Mackenzie. I love you Kate.

One of the definitions of wallow is To luxuriate; revel: as in wallow in self righteousness. I have not been wallowing in self righteousness at the moment but I have been a wallower of the first order. I have been wallowing in self pity, pain, anger, frustration, helplessness, discouragement, fear, and a host of other shades of dark. It has been one of the most miserable times of my life. I have felt like I was walking on the edge of darkness and felt like the ground was going to give way and I would collapse into its toxic hold. I did a lot of praying and crying. I had a lot of prayers from family and friends that helped push me through it. It is because of the grace of God and his protection that I got through the Valley of Shadows. I felt the sunshine on my face this morning as I climbed out of it and it was raining but what a beautiful rain. God in his mercy and love, though I do not understand it, allowed me to make this dark journey and walked along side of me the whole way....