Doodledash

I am never again going to wait for a better time. I am now going to do what I need to do NOW not the future. I am going to stop being afraid. I am going to say the things that need to be said. Dane--I love you. Thank you for the greatest gift I have ever received and that was your love. Your love helped me fulfill my deepest most heartfelt dream to be a mother. If not for you, I would not have our beautiful daughters. Thank you my dearest. Katie--You have brought me so much joy. I love you with all my heart. You were an answer to prayers that I didn't know I had. I am so proud of you and think you are truly an amazing woman. Amy--You challenge me in ways I never knew were possible. I love you so fiercely that it hurts. I am so proud of you. You have brought so much joy and laughter to my life that sometimes it hurts from laughing. You are truly an inspiration to me. Mom--You are such an amazing woman. I could not have a better role model, a better mom. You live your life in a way t...

I want to say that my dear friend, Jone, passed away this morning. Her body was just not strong enough to fight anymore and she died. I talked to a good friend of hers who was there with her. Paula said that all her family and friends were able to be with her which made me happy. Her cousin, who is a priest was able to be there and gave her last rites. When he said 'Amen,' she took her last breath. Paula said it was like she had been holding on and waiting for him. I had a dream this morning. I was at work and Jone came in. She was there to say goodbye. She told me it was time to leave. I walked around with her for a while as she talked to people and said her farewells and then it was my turn. She told me that it was time to go and hugged me. I didn't want her to leave. I didn't understand why she thought she had to go. I woke up thinking how real it had been. I wasn't able to get back to sleep so l laid there and prayed for Jone, her family and friends. When I got ...

Today I wrote in the guestbook of my friend Jone on her caring bridge site www.caringbridge.org/visit/jonefaroun1 and I didn't know what to say. I have tried several times to leave a message but it always sounded so phony. It is one thing to be tongue tied when speaking but when I am tongue tied writing then I know I have a problem. Anyway, I am waiting to watch the first part of the Top Chef finale which will start in a few minutes but I am going to have to record it because I need to watch Amy's hair. Dane is busy channel surfing and stopped on Shawshank Redemption for a moment. I really do need to watch that movie sometime. I keep hearing how good it is. It is supposed to be colder tonight and tomorrow. I thought the cold temps were done with and we were going to be having some more reasonable temperatures in the 30s. I do not like the cold single and teen digits we have had. It is suckyville . Reina is complaining about 50. Suck it up girl. I will take it anytime rain or...

Happy Valentine's Day. Thank you for being my strength and support. Thank you for your love and your laughter. Thank you for being patient. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for being my helper. Thank you for being my husband and mate and the love of my life. I love you Dane. Happy Valentine's Day!

That line from the movie Network pretty much sums up myself at this moment. I have been full of turmoil and anger and frustration for weeks. It has been building to a crescendo and right now the fat lady is about to sing. My friend, Jone, has stage 4 uterine cancer. I have worked with her for 22 years and it has devastated me. I am finally able to not be a bawling blubbering pile of limp spaghetti. My family was afraid to talk to me because I would break down in tears at the smallest thing for the past few weeks. I can talk about her and the situation without steady tears which is a good thing. I love Jone. She is fun and crazy and listens. She always wanted a silver Jaguar so one year I gave her one for her birthday. I searched for a silver Jag and couldn't find one. I did find a blue matchbox car Jag so I bought it and painted it silver. I presented it to her on her birthday and she loved it. Sometimes Jone and her husband would play poker with some of our friends and she was so...

because I can't be the same person anymore. My life journey of the past few weeks has taken me on some difficult paths. A dear friend of mine who I have worked with for 20+ years was diagnosed with sarcoma of the uterus. It was an advanced case and she just had a hysterectomy two days ago. When I found out she had cancer, I felt like I had been sucker punched and couldn't think or breathe. It has shaken me to the core and in a way I never knew possible. My mortality suddenly reached out and slapped me hard across the face. I am not afraid to die. Death holds no fear for me. I have looked it in the eye and walked away from it. Sarah's death cured me of any fear I had. I have had many loved ones who have passed away and I have grieved their loss. Suddenly the possibility of one of my contemporaries, my friend, my cohort facing this horrible disease and losing her life to it became real. Grief is a companion that we all travel with at some point of our life. I am not real fond...