Doodledash

I like to have the last word. I have discovered it is a matter of pride. It just about kills me to not have the final say. I had a disagreement the other day with someone and it took everything I had to not push it as far I wanted to. Everything in me wanted to defend and explain myself but having been down this road in the past, I knew it was a useless endeavor. I have finally begun to learn that by my pushing, I just make things worse. I used to believe if I pushed it showed that I cared and wanted to have the issue confronted and corrected. You know what I found out, it just pisses people off and makes the situation worse. I guess this could be one of those examples of being wise in your own eyes. I thought if I backed down, I was giving in and losing. It turns out that by stopping, taking that deep breath and saying ok and walking away is not a sign of weakness at all. It just means my pride is bruised which really is okay because I can take it. I have hurt too many people that I l...

Logan doesn't speak my language. He speaks dog. He understands a few words of English but he is not fluent in it. I do not speak dog. I understand some of it. It is amazing how we can communicate with each other none the less. I will be in the middle of some important activity such as general relaxation or reading or watching TV. Logan will come over and plop a toy on my lap and sit there. He is quite patient and can maintain a stare for extended periods. If I don't move, he will come over and remind me that the toy is there. If I continue to ignore it, he will gently take my hand in his teeth and move it to the toy. If all else fails, he may hop on the chair and stand on my chest staring me in the eye and giving me a final chance before kissing me full on the lips. That is guaranteed to get a response. Logan makes his needs known and communicates them clearly. If my dog can communicate his point to me so clearly and easily, why can't I? I know that communication between in...

I had to get a root canal today. It was started at least. The dentist had a problem with the drill so we had to relocate to another room. I decided to take a picture of myself and this was the result. I need to return in two weeks to get the process finished. I have been very sore from it. I hope it improves the next few days.

I have a sore tooth today. I am extremely thankful for a high pain tolerance since the dentist is not open on Sunday and I don't want to today. Last night my jaw on the right was so sore. I was pushing on it and massaging it. It got bearable and I was able to sleep. This morning I bit on my right side and found a new ecstasy of undiscovered pain. I was able to isolate the tooth very quickly and have avoided using that side all day. The last few days there was an icky taste that I knew was tooth associated and for the past few weeks there has been some tenderness on the upper side. I wasn't able to pinpoint anything though until today. The major bummer is I think it is a tooth with a crown so that means it will need to be removed and some major digging involved. I am going to try and go to the dentist tomorrow. I already left a message and hope they take pity on me and squeeze me in. Amy is not feeling well so I am keeping her home tomorrow. It will be an interesting issue of ti...

I play hide and seek all the time. I am tired of hiding. I want to stop being afraid for people to see me for who I am. I have decided to step out from the shadows and show more of me. This is me. Debbie. I like to read People and Us and Ok to see the latest gossip. I like to read trivia and nonsense. I read conspiracy sites. I get concerned for the future of our country and the people I love. I am interested in things on the edge--UFO's, paranormal, cryptozoology, etc. I like to look at things from a different angle. I like to know things. My husband likes to tease me about the fact that the things that interest and fascinate me are "chariots of the gods" stuff. So be it. I love my puppy. I love my daughters. I very much love and adore my husband even when he does give me a hard time. It makes me a better person. Most of all I love my God.

we're having a heat wave. it is 26 degrees which is 50 degrees warmer than it was a few days ago. we have a lot of snow this year and cold temps. it is different than the last several years. yesterday dane called me at work and said the power was off. it was getting to a point where it was getting a little cool and they were going to go somewhere to be warm. thankfully power came back on and that was not necessary. it has been a low key day. i took a nap and have not been real busy. i am feeling sad. i found out yesterday that a good friend of mine has cancer. i am dealing with the shock of it. i don't know how to deal with it. i can not imagine how it must be for her. i have been praying for her. that is all that i can do right now. reality can really suck sometimes.

Hey Reiden--thanks for the comment. I appreciate knowing you are reading. One of my dearest most wonderful aunts was my support and mentor for many years. She taught me so much and gave me a lot of strength. I have not knowingly set a lot of goals for myself in my life but as I write this I realize that I have had some goals. I was going to be a mentor to those who needed me. I would be there especially for anyone who had lost a child. I would be open and honest with what I have learned. I was willing to be vulnerable and hurt if that was what it took to help someone. I had looked evil in the eye and knew that it would never have victory over me. I wanted others to know that the battle is hard but it is worth it. I made a decision as a young child to give my life to the Lord. I have had my moments of waywardness and rebellion. I have had my moments of doubt. I have had my moments of hopelessness and despair but the one thing that I have always known is the fact that I was never alone. ...

This is the chorus to the song in the title of my blog, "Lord move in a way, that I've never seen before Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore So Lord move (move), or move me." Well as I mentioned in my previous blog, I had an awakening and it was the result of being moved like I have not been moved in a long time. I have been dealing with massive frustration with myself because I wanted to change so badly but I just couldn't do it. I want the change to be immediate. I hate the thought that it takes time so I give up in frustration. Definition of frustration: A deep and chronic sense of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs. I read last month and for the first time I took a hard look and began to look at what was causing my frustration. In fact, it was reading this that really intensified my prayers that the Lord would move. You know how you c...

Tonight I had one of those moments that stick with you forever. It is when something so dramatic happens that your life changes. I had my eyes opened and the blinders were removed. I saw how much I have run away and avoided and procrastinated. I have been so afraid that I will just ignore a situation so it will go away. I saw first hand how my example has affected my daughter. She was mirroring my behavior totally. It upset me so much I had to go into the basement to be alone. I started sobbing at the pain that I felt and the overwhelming memories of things that I have done. It was awful but it was also very healing. I am not sure where I go from here but I know that it is UP!