Doodledash

I sat down at the foot of a mountain. I had a shovel on the ground next to me. I had to move the mountain out of the way. I knew it was a hopeless task. I sat there and cried. He told me to give Him the shovel and not to worry anymore. I gave it to Him and fell asleep. I didn't think about it anymore. I actually forgot about it. One day I looked up and realized the mountain was gone and I didn't remember how it had moved. I was so excited and realized He had worked on it and I didn't even realize it. It still hasn't come back.

Logan loves Amy and Katie. Logan loves to give them both sweet kisses. He slipped his tongue between Katie's lips yesterday. He planted some slurps on Amy's lips and cheeks and chin and nose. Logan jumps and dances at Amy's feet. He jumps and dances at Katie's feet. Logan nibbles on the fingers and toes of Amy and Katie. Logan snuggles and cuddles with Amy and Katie. Logan goes crazy with joy when Amy comes home. Logan goes crazy with joy when Katie comes home. Logan licks Amy's fingers to make sure all the tasty goodness is cleaned off them. He licks the tasty spills off Katie's shirt and pants. Logan loves Amy and Katie. Logan doesn't care that Amy sits in a wheelchair. Logan doesn't care that Katie walks. Logan loves them both the same. Logan is a very smart puppy. He looks at their heart and sees who they really are. Why doesn't everyone else?

A bruised reed he shall not break and a smoldering wick he will not quench. I read this verse in a Max Lucado book when I was hurting and grieving for Sarah. I felt like there was so little left in me and I couldn't make it anymore. I wanted him to blow out the smoldering wick so I could be with my daughter. I wanted him to break the reed and let me go to heaven and have my pain end. I hurt so bad. I was battered and bruised. I knew there was no way I was going to make it through on my own. I asked God for help. I grabbed hold and clung to this verse for dear life because I didn't know what else to do. It took a long long time to heal. The bruises did heal though and through gentle puffs the fire grew out of the smoldering wick. It was a moment by moment, step by step process. I don't know how and I don't remember it much. It does work when you hang on to God because he is the rock. I could have never made it without his help.

I enjoy watching Extreme Home Makeover. It is a wonderful show. They do amazing things in seven days. Lives are changed and made better. It is fun to see all the new devices and appliances and ideas that they have for the people and homes. The homes are all so beautiful and huge--often McMansions. I wonder how expensive these homes are for utilities and taxes once all the tv cameras are gone. Does it get to be too expensive for these families? I hope not but I really do wonder about it. When the show first came on, I considered applying for it to have our home redone for Amy. We could use more room for her wheelchair and equipment. I figured though that it wasn't realistic. We just don't have the room for a mini mcmansion. I don't want one. I just want more room for wheelchairs. More space to store stuff. More room so Amy can really move around and have freedom in our home. I would like that so much but I sure don't see it happening right now. Life is just way too expen...

I completed my 30days of writing a blog. I kept my commitment to Surprise Me God. I reread all the blogs for it (not this one) and now have to mull it over. Dane and Amy are sick. Dane goes to the doctor tomorrow. Amy stayed home today and will tomorrow. I am playing it by ear. It is really cold here today. I was glad to keep Amy home and not bring her out in the bitter cold. It is hard for her when it is so cold. It feels like January instead of December. Well time to go and slip into a nice warm bed.

It has been twenty years since I last saw you. The time has gone by so quickly yet it has been so slow. Time is an odd thing. While you are in the midst of it, it is the slowest thing there is but when you look back, it is the fastest. I stood by you as the machine whooshed each breath for you. The warming blanket tried to keep your body warmed. The machines did the best they could but it was obvious that it was time for you to leave. Your borrowed time upon this earth which was God's gift to us was now over and we had to give you back to Him. It had taken me eleven days but I knew I had to let you go. I sat in the chapel with my cousin Kathy and we talked. Daddy stayed with you in the room as the machines were quieted and you were finally allowed to slip away. I came to say goodbye with Daddy next to me. I brushed your hair out of your face and stroked your hand. I looked at your quiet face one last time and said goodbye. I called grandma and grandpa to tell them you were gone. I ...

I should know by now to keep my mouth shut. I have a horrible habit of open mouth, insert foot. I did it again and was really hurt by it. I truly regret it and I am sorry. I didn't mean it. I wish I could take it back but once the words have escaped they can't be retrieved. Words aren't like a boomerang except they hit you and knock you out. Time to go to bed and get some rest. Good night sweetheart.

When Amy got home from school today she wanted a snack. I gave her some chocolate pudding. Logan, the notorious puppy, was laying on her tray. His head followed the spoon from cup to mouth and back. Up and down. Side to side. Lick the chops. Amy started to giggle as I did loop the loop with the spoon and Logan copied it. She laughed. She giggled. She lost it in the great tradition of our family. She laughed til she cried. The laughter rang. She couldn't stop. The joy abounded. I have been afraid for so long to let loose. To let the laughter peal. To let my sides ache from the uninhibited joy of it. The joy of life. The joy of joy. It is time to cut the bonds and let freedom ring. I need to let loose and be joyful. I need to rejoice in the moment and lustly burst forth in hearty laughter. I need to embrace the passion of life and run with it. I have been changing since I started Surprise me God. When I read back over my daily blogs in the mystery location which you still will not f...

Someone I know made a comment about a color. She called it true booger green. It made me laugh. Blood red. Diarrhea yellow. Baby poop green. Ahh, the things I will talk about at times. My husband likes to say that whenever my family gets together for dinner my mom always brings up body functions involving the lower abdomen. Not much will offend me and there is not much I won't talk about. My lovely puppy Logan the white poodle decided to bark at 346 am and kept whining and whimpering for the next 45 minutes. I finally had to let him out. He made a mad dash out the door. I couldn't see him though. He was so well camoflauged against the snow. He didn't even do his usual circle to find the right spot but made an immediate deposit and came back to the door. He thought he should stay up and play. I had other thoughts. He went back to his kennel for more beauty sleep. Dane is busy snoring and mumbling in his favorite sleeping chair. He enjoys his naps. He is going to his mom...

I was at the Ice Capades. My mom was in labor. I was 14 years old and excited beyond belief. My new brother/hopefully sister was going to be born. I already had 4 brothers and figured it was my turn to have a sister. God had other things in mind though and I ended up with another brother. Chris was a sweetie. I claimed him as my own. I held that little bugger as much as I could and kept him close. I loved him so much I could hardly stand it. My parents might have had plans for him but so did I. I was going to make sure that he had the childhood that I didn't and he was going to have fun. I wasn't allowed to go to movies growing up and I missed out on classic Disney movies. I didn't have the joyful memories of Sleeping Beauty, The Absent Minded Professor, etc like my other friends. I had to watch them on tv. I was determined that Chris would not suffer the neglected important things that I had. I brought him to movies. I bought him things. I read to him. I loved him so much....

I made a commitment to blog for 30 days. I am 1/3 of the way through it. Through round about channels I heard about this website called Surprisemegod.com and checked it out. I found it to be an interesting idea and decided to give it a try. I have let go of expectations and told God daily to Surprise Me God. I have had a variety of experiences so far. It will be interesting for me to look back and really see the progress and events that occur over the 30 days. If you have interest, check out the website. It's worth a look and will make you think. I am not a person who is real consistent about stuff and my follow through skills are awful as my family will attest. Right Kate! I am proud of myself for sticking it out so far. Surprise me God.

I celebrated my twentieth anniversary today for my job. I invited friends to lunch to celebrate. I am in the process of emailing all of them to thank them for coming and sharing my thoughts and memories. I am going to put bits and pieces of them in my blog today. Thanks for the memories. ---The memory that I have of you that means the most to me is the day I had a doctor's appointment and I found out that Amy had a problem. I left the doctor and was supposed to go back to work. I couldn't do it and I called you. I started to talk but couldn't get the words out. You were there to listen and you prayed. I sobbed and told you there was something wrong with my baby. You were willing to drop everything and come to me. I can't tell you how much that meant to me. I am choked up and fighting back tears even now as I write this. --one day we all will stand before the almighty and i intend to thank him for bringing you into my life. i will tell him how much your friendship meant ...

When I fall in love, it will be forever. That is a line from a song I love. I have always been a sucker for romance. Romantic novels, movies, shows, whatever is sappy and sweet. I love it. I didn't expect to fall in love or get married when I did. I never had a real high opinion of myself. I was overweight and unappealing. I didn't consider having a boyfriend. I didn't consider my future a whole lot. I took it as it came. I met this quiet unassuming guy who was nice. He worked hard and kept to himself. He was new at work and I gave him a Christmas card. I didn't know it would touch his heart. One day we talked and found out we had things in common. Before I knew it I was trying to find reasons to be with him and I really liked him. I don't remember the the moment if there was one when I knew I was in love. I did everything different though. I asked him out. I found his home and climbed the fence and knocked on the backdoor. His sister later told the Romeo and Julie...

The leaf had had a wondrous journey through life. Its short but wonderful life. It had started out as a small bud bursting forth from the branch. It slowly unfurled itself to the sun, to the sky, to the stars. Rain, wind, bugs. All the amazing things that the Creator had bestowed upon the world of the leaf. He drank it all in and sang praises. He watched the world around him. The comings and goings of the many creations. The small and the large. The living and mechanical. The life of his world. The life of his tree. The spring was early and the summer long. It stretched out through October the sun breathing its warm breath. The wind kissing him with its warmth. Where was the autumn cool? The frosty breath he heard spoken of in whispers and shadows. There was nothing but warmth. Nothing but green. Nothing but life. Then it came. One night a sharp slap of wind. Cold. Very cold. The sun no longer kissed his warmth upon his brow. He faded into a pale yellow. No longer green and growing. N...

sitting in a wheelchair. Your movement is very limited. You can move your head a few inches to the left but you mainly look to the right. Your hands can move a little. Your range of motion with your right hand is five inches max. Your left hand does not move much. It stays immobilized. You can move your thumb so you can grasp slightly. Your fingers are stiff and don't bend. Your elbow is stiff. You can't straighten out your arms. It hurts to have someone lift your arms up. Your knees can kick but your legs don't straighten. When you lay down, your legs can't straighten out. You lay with knees bent all the time. Your body has almost no muscle strength. You can't hold your head up. You have to have a headrest for the support. If you sat in a chair, you would fall sideways. You would crumple onto the floor. And there would be absolutely nothing you could do about it. Now imagine you are sitting in a wheelchair that you can drive as long as your hand is in place on the...

The house was lovely. Its gabled roof with the shingles insets. The lovely bay windows under the gable. Turrets, corniced eaves, gingerbread and the Corinthian columned porch all worked together in a classic Victorian home. This house was very loved. It smiled as it looked down on the town from its hill. It stood in a place of honor, of beauty, of prestige. Manicured lawns and trimmed hedges, sculpted bushes and trees all enhanced its beauty. No one ever noticed that one little plant hidden at the back. It sent out little shoots, creepers which helped it climb. It found the wall of the lovely house and began its slow climb. Ivy spread. Creeping up the side slowly gracefully covering a small section. Up it went finding its way into each small nook and cranny, slowly grabbing and holding on. Gaining a secure hold with which to propel the next generation of leaves. Over time it covered the back wall which no one saw. It began its ascent on the sides. Little did anyone realize that this lo...

School started last week on Thursday. Two days of school and then three day weekend. Why? Why not just wait until the day after Labor Day like so many other school districts? If we had brought Katie to Duluth as originally intended, Amy would have missed school anyway. I don't like it starting before Labor Day. It has to do with money though and, of course, money makes the world go round (or so says the song from Cabaret.) I am having issues with Amy in school. Thursday she had four classes with no aides or paras to assist her. She was left sitting there alone with no one being responsible for her. One aide in particular wanted to point her to the class and do it on her own. That doesn't work for Amy. She wants independence but not that much. She needs someone to help her take notes, move her arm, hold up books or papers, etc. That just didn't happen. This is a new school where people don't know Amy or her needs. I understand that and it will take time to work these thi...

Today I put my trowel away for the last time. I closed my eyes to this life and opened them to the new. Today I put my trowel away for the last time. I breathed my last breath of earthly air and inhaled the sweet breath of heaven. Today I put my trowel away for the last time. I saw Mom waiting for me and we sang our song. Today I put my trowel away for the last time. And there I saw Him. The one for whom my heart was longing. Today I put my trowel away for the last time. And laid it at my Master’s feet. I wrote this when my grandpa died. My dad read it at his funeral. Gramp had written a love letter to my grandma on their 50th anniversary. One of the phrases was "I put my trowel away for the last time" and I used it as my inspiration. My grandpa was a cement mason and he spent a lot of time on his knees troweling and praying. I loved him very much. I miss him.

nothing but blue skies. gray clouds. white lightning. whistling winds. pelting rain. cover the blue skies. darkness covers the earth and moves over it like a shadow. shadows are the wisps of darkness that try to hide the sunlight. sunlight still shines behind the shadows. behind the clouds. blue skies lie under the clouds. so nothing but blue skies. shadows are evidence of the sunlight because a shadow is just blocked sunlight. faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Don't give up because you can't see it yet. It is just over there behind the shadows.

This is a picture of Katie and Amy from our trip to DisneyWorld last year. It was bloody hot. It was sultry and sweaty. It was a lot like the weather we have had lately. I have been tempted to use the fan spray bottle that Katie is holding. We have stayed inside a lot. It is too hot and takes too much effort to do anything outside. I understand the concept of a siesta now. A very appealing thing. I still have to let the dog outside and deal with his outdoor behavior. Bark bark bark and don't come in the house. Play play play. Amy just got to the part of Harry Potter where the death occurs. She was upset. She got teary eyed. So did I. Today was a not much happened day. I can deal with those kind of days. I like them. I like them a lot lately. Life is just fine right now.