Doodledash

I should know by now to keep my mouth shut. I have a horrible habit of open mouth, insert foot. I did it again and was really hurt by it. I truly regret it and I am sorry. I didn't mean it. I wish I could take it back but once the words have escaped they can't be retrieved. Words aren't like a boomerang except they hit you and knock you out. Time to go to bed and get some rest. Good night sweetheart.

When Amy got home from school today she wanted a snack. I gave her some chocolate pudding. Logan, the notorious puppy, was laying on her tray. His head followed the spoon from cup to mouth and back. Up and down. Side to side. Lick the chops. Amy started to giggle as I did loop the loop with the spoon and Logan copied it. She laughed. She giggled. She lost it in the great tradition of our family. She laughed til she cried. The laughter rang. She couldn't stop. The joy abounded. I have been afraid for so long to let loose. To let the laughter peal. To let my sides ache from the uninhibited joy of it. The joy of life. The joy of joy. It is time to cut the bonds and let freedom ring. I need to let loose and be joyful. I need to rejoice in the moment and lustly burst forth in hearty laughter. I need to embrace the passion of life and run with it. I have been changing since I started Surprise me God. When I read back over my daily blogs in the mystery location which you still will not f...

Someone I know made a comment about a color. She called it true booger green. It made me laugh. Blood red. Diarrhea yellow. Baby poop green. Ahh, the things I will talk about at times. My husband likes to say that whenever my family gets together for dinner my mom always brings up body functions involving the lower abdomen. Not much will offend me and there is not much I won't talk about. My lovely puppy Logan the white poodle decided to bark at 346 am and kept whining and whimpering for the next 45 minutes. I finally had to let him out. He made a mad dash out the door. I couldn't see him though. He was so well camoflauged against the snow. He didn't even do his usual circle to find the right spot but made an immediate deposit and came back to the door. He thought he should stay up and play. I had other thoughts. He went back to his kennel for more beauty sleep. Dane is busy snoring and mumbling in his favorite sleeping chair. He enjoys his naps. He is going to his mom...

I was at the Ice Capades. My mom was in labor. I was 14 years old and excited beyond belief. My new brother/hopefully sister was going to be born. I already had 4 brothers and figured it was my turn to have a sister. God had other things in mind though and I ended up with another brother. Chris was a sweetie. I claimed him as my own. I held that little bugger as much as I could and kept him close. I loved him so much I could hardly stand it. My parents might have had plans for him but so did I. I was going to make sure that he had the childhood that I didn't and he was going to have fun. I wasn't allowed to go to movies growing up and I missed out on classic Disney movies. I didn't have the joyful memories of Sleeping Beauty, The Absent Minded Professor, etc like my other friends. I had to watch them on tv. I was determined that Chris would not suffer the neglected important things that I had. I brought him to movies. I bought him things. I read to him. I loved him so much....

I made a commitment to blog for 30 days. I am 1/3 of the way through it. Through round about channels I heard about this website called Surprisemegod.com and checked it out. I found it to be an interesting idea and decided to give it a try. I have let go of expectations and told God daily to Surprise Me God. I have had a variety of experiences so far. It will be interesting for me to look back and really see the progress and events that occur over the 30 days. If you have interest, check out the website. It's worth a look and will make you think. I am not a person who is real consistent about stuff and my follow through skills are awful as my family will attest. Right Kate! I am proud of myself for sticking it out so far. Surprise me God.

I celebrated my twentieth anniversary today for my job. I invited friends to lunch to celebrate. I am in the process of emailing all of them to thank them for coming and sharing my thoughts and memories. I am going to put bits and pieces of them in my blog today. Thanks for the memories. ---The memory that I have of you that means the most to me is the day I had a doctor's appointment and I found out that Amy had a problem. I left the doctor and was supposed to go back to work. I couldn't do it and I called you. I started to talk but couldn't get the words out. You were there to listen and you prayed. I sobbed and told you there was something wrong with my baby. You were willing to drop everything and come to me. I can't tell you how much that meant to me. I am choked up and fighting back tears even now as I write this. --one day we all will stand before the almighty and i intend to thank him for bringing you into my life. i will tell him how much your friendship meant ...

When I fall in love, it will be forever. That is a line from a song I love. I have always been a sucker for romance. Romantic novels, movies, shows, whatever is sappy and sweet. I love it. I didn't expect to fall in love or get married when I did. I never had a real high opinion of myself. I was overweight and unappealing. I didn't consider having a boyfriend. I didn't consider my future a whole lot. I took it as it came. I met this quiet unassuming guy who was nice. He worked hard and kept to himself. He was new at work and I gave him a Christmas card. I didn't know it would touch his heart. One day we talked and found out we had things in common. Before I knew it I was trying to find reasons to be with him and I really liked him. I don't remember the the moment if there was one when I knew I was in love. I did everything different though. I asked him out. I found his home and climbed the fence and knocked on the backdoor. His sister later told the Romeo and Julie...

The leaf had had a wondrous journey through life. Its short but wonderful life. It had started out as a small bud bursting forth from the branch. It slowly unfurled itself to the sun, to the sky, to the stars. Rain, wind, bugs. All the amazing things that the Creator had bestowed upon the world of the leaf. He drank it all in and sang praises. He watched the world around him. The comings and goings of the many creations. The small and the large. The living and mechanical. The life of his world. The life of his tree. The spring was early and the summer long. It stretched out through October the sun breathing its warm breath. The wind kissing him with its warmth. Where was the autumn cool? The frosty breath he heard spoken of in whispers and shadows. There was nothing but warmth. Nothing but green. Nothing but life. Then it came. One night a sharp slap of wind. Cold. Very cold. The sun no longer kissed his warmth upon his brow. He faded into a pale yellow. No longer green and growing. N...

sitting in a wheelchair. Your movement is very limited. You can move your head a few inches to the left but you mainly look to the right. Your hands can move a little. Your range of motion with your right hand is five inches max. Your left hand does not move much. It stays immobilized. You can move your thumb so you can grasp slightly. Your fingers are stiff and don't bend. Your elbow is stiff. You can't straighten out your arms. It hurts to have someone lift your arms up. Your knees can kick but your legs don't straighten. When you lay down, your legs can't straighten out. You lay with knees bent all the time. Your body has almost no muscle strength. You can't hold your head up. You have to have a headrest for the support. If you sat in a chair, you would fall sideways. You would crumple onto the floor. And there would be absolutely nothing you could do about it. Now imagine you are sitting in a wheelchair that you can drive as long as your hand is in place on the...

The house was lovely. Its gabled roof with the shingles insets. The lovely bay windows under the gable. Turrets, corniced eaves, gingerbread and the Corinthian columned porch all worked together in a classic Victorian home. This house was very loved. It smiled as it looked down on the town from its hill. It stood in a place of honor, of beauty, of prestige. Manicured lawns and trimmed hedges, sculpted bushes and trees all enhanced its beauty. No one ever noticed that one little plant hidden at the back. It sent out little shoots, creepers which helped it climb. It found the wall of the lovely house and began its slow climb. Ivy spread. Creeping up the side slowly gracefully covering a small section. Up it went finding its way into each small nook and cranny, slowly grabbing and holding on. Gaining a secure hold with which to propel the next generation of leaves. Over time it covered the back wall which no one saw. It began its ascent on the sides. Little did anyone realize that this lo...

School started last week on Thursday. Two days of school and then three day weekend. Why? Why not just wait until the day after Labor Day like so many other school districts? If we had brought Katie to Duluth as originally intended, Amy would have missed school anyway. I don't like it starting before Labor Day. It has to do with money though and, of course, money makes the world go round (or so says the song from Cabaret.) I am having issues with Amy in school. Thursday she had four classes with no aides or paras to assist her. She was left sitting there alone with no one being responsible for her. One aide in particular wanted to point her to the class and do it on her own. That doesn't work for Amy. She wants independence but not that much. She needs someone to help her take notes, move her arm, hold up books or papers, etc. That just didn't happen. This is a new school where people don't know Amy or her needs. I understand that and it will take time to work these thi...

Today I put my trowel away for the last time. I closed my eyes to this life and opened them to the new. Today I put my trowel away for the last time. I breathed my last breath of earthly air and inhaled the sweet breath of heaven. Today I put my trowel away for the last time. I saw Mom waiting for me and we sang our song. Today I put my trowel away for the last time. And there I saw Him. The one for whom my heart was longing. Today I put my trowel away for the last time. And laid it at my Master’s feet. I wrote this when my grandpa died. My dad read it at his funeral. Gramp had written a love letter to my grandma on their 50th anniversary. One of the phrases was "I put my trowel away for the last time" and I used it as my inspiration. My grandpa was a cement mason and he spent a lot of time on his knees troweling and praying. I loved him very much. I miss him.

nothing but blue skies. gray clouds. white lightning. whistling winds. pelting rain. cover the blue skies. darkness covers the earth and moves over it like a shadow. shadows are the wisps of darkness that try to hide the sunlight. sunlight still shines behind the shadows. behind the clouds. blue skies lie under the clouds. so nothing but blue skies. shadows are evidence of the sunlight because a shadow is just blocked sunlight. faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Don't give up because you can't see it yet. It is just over there behind the shadows.

This is a picture of Katie and Amy from our trip to DisneyWorld last year. It was bloody hot. It was sultry and sweaty. It was a lot like the weather we have had lately. I have been tempted to use the fan spray bottle that Katie is holding. We have stayed inside a lot. It is too hot and takes too much effort to do anything outside. I understand the concept of a siesta now. A very appealing thing. I still have to let the dog outside and deal with his outdoor behavior. Bark bark bark and don't come in the house. Play play play. Amy just got to the part of Harry Potter where the death occurs. She was upset. She got teary eyed. So did I. Today was a not much happened day. I can deal with those kind of days. I like them. I like them a lot lately. Life is just fine right now.

HI AMY!

Tonight I was asked by a good friend of mine a question I have pondered in the past. "Do you ever wonder what effect your family has had on other people's lives?" I sometimes wonder that and I know that I will often never know the answer to that question. Amy's disability and challenges have affected all of our lives. I believe that we have all become better and stronger people as a result of these challenges. They will either make you or break you. God has used them to break my stubborn and willful spirit. I like the person I am now more than I did before. I was selfish and willful. I fought and argued a lot. I am much more obedient to God and so much more open and willing to help others. I am thankful for the struggles and difficulties because I am a better person as a result of them. So many wonderful people have come into our lives as a result of Amy. One of the most wonderful is the person who asked me this question. Her name is Liz. She came into our family when...

My puppy is whining and barking sharply right now. He must want to get out. He peed on the floor by the backdoor this morning when I was at work. People were letting him run loose and not watching him as instructed. He has been nipping and biting. I had to play alpha mama dog and he didn't like it. I won't allow that behavior and made it quite clear to him. He whined and pouted. He looks so sad and pathetic when he whines. Time for the spray bottle.

I am sitting here waiting for the pants and shirts to dry. I emptied the dryer lint. It had remnants of pink, gray, blue, black, white and was soft and fuzzy. It actually is a lot like how I am feeling right now. School is over. One graduated from grade school and the other one from high school. My heart has little bits and pieces of memories, thoughts, emotions stored away. It all forms into a soft fuzzy blanket of life. The first day of kindergarten was so nervous for all of us. She sat there so sweetly name tag dangling from her neck waiting patiently for the bus. I had her sit down in the same spot and took her picture on the last day of school. This time a young woman half awake smiling patiently and tolerating her mom's request. I tear up as I write this knowing this may be the last summer she is home. She could leave and never come back. Who knows? How come there are so many baby books but not any young adult books for parents? I think it would be a helpful item. I feel very...

Tonight I sit alone in the basement listening to the washer and dryer doing their rhythmic dance. She does the cha cha of the wash cycle, now it is the rapid twirls of the spin cycle. He does the round and round. I have been reading random blogs recently. They are so often full of anger and swearing. I wish so many of us didn't feel that was the only way to express our full emotions. Unfortunately I often find myself using the same language in my head and regretting it but it has such force that it sums it all up. The wonderful effenheimer. The all american word. The first time I heard my daughter use it was shocking even though it shouldn't have been. I was about her age when I started to use it for shock value. Unfortunately, it doesn't produce a shock anymore. Eighteen is a glorious age when you are the one experiencing it. It can be difficult for parents though. I remember being eighteen and beginning to have freedom and choices. It was wonderful. I did what I wanted. ...

Beanie babies were a big part of my at one time. I bought and sold them. I made a nice profit. In fact, my daughter had surgery which required me to be out of work for 6-7 weeks and beanie babies made that possible. We would not have survived without them. Everyone wanted a beanie. Everyone wanted the Princess Di bear. I sold some for $300. I look at it now and shake my head. People are willing to pay it and I was willing to sell it. I still see beanies around work that people bought from me. Right now I am looking at the ones I have on shelves by the computer. They make me smile and I have happy memories of them. We are getting a puppy this week and my husband found a beanie that looks like the puppy. It is a little white fuzzball and he gave it to Amy. We are going to call the puppy Logan so the beanie is Logan Jr. I like beanies.