Benchwarmer...

It is time for me to get off the bench. I have spent most of my life on it. I have been called off it at times to play and participate in the game but most of the time has been spent on the sidelines. I have been content to sit and watch. Be it right or wrong that was where I chose to be.

Choices are something I have been learning a lot about in the past several weeks. Joining Weight Watchers made me face my eating choices immediately and it was a shock because I saw how many wrong food choices I made. I had to adjust to that and then acknowledge the deeper reasons as to WHY I made these choices. What needs were my food and my eating choices telling me? What was I substituting food for and why? Why did I eat?

It has been a very revealing time for me. Things that had been hidden and buried were suddenly exposed and opened up for examination. There have been a lot of tears shed that have helped clean out those old festering wounds.

I have learned it is okay to face the problems and issues one at a time. It does not have to be all solved at once. After all each mountain we climb is still done one step at a time. I have also learned it's okay to stumble. It's okay to fall on my face and make a fool of myself. We all do it and I will recover from it. My pride may get a beating and be bruised but so what? I hate pride anyway. I don't have to be perfect because guess what? No one is. I am forgiven not perfect.

I need to forgive. I need to forgive me. I have to forgive me because if I don't I can't make any forward progress. It doesn't work without forgiveness.
I believe that I am okay when I stumble. I believe that I am okay when I hurt. I know that a mistake hurts but I do recover from it. I know that those times I get so mad that I just want to enjoy the anger and savor the bitterness, I must forgive. I may need to tell myself countless times I forgive but it will be worth it in the end.

I know that it is by His strength that I can do all this because I know I blow it on my own. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. The bench is a nice safe place but it no longer will be my place. I am stepping in the game.


I wrote this a few days ago and it has been really hard for me to sit down and write it on my blog. I have had a lot of resistance with both taking the time and the things I have openly revealed to myself. In fact, I find myself ignoring the right thing to do. I am eating the wrong stuff, being a slob, being lazy, and I am really mad at myself about it. So I have to stop, say you stumbled, get up and do it right from now on. I will let you know how it goes today.

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