Doodledash

Tonight I sit alone in the basement listening to the washer and dryer doing their rhythmic dance. She does the cha cha of the wash cycle, now it is the rapid twirls of the spin cycle. He does the round and round. I have been reading random blogs recently. They are so often full of anger and swearing. I wish so many of us didn't feel that was the only way to express our full emotions. Unfortunately I often find myself using the same language in my head and regretting it but it has such force that it sums it all up. The wonderful effenheimer. The all american word. The first time I heard my daughter use it was shocking even though it shouldn't have been. I was about her age when I started to use it for shock value. Unfortunately, it doesn't produce a shock anymore. Eighteen is a glorious age when you are the one experiencing it. It can be difficult for parents though. I remember being eighteen and beginning to have freedom and choices. It was wonderful. I did what I wanted. ...

Beanie babies were a big part of my at one time. I bought and sold them. I made a nice profit. In fact, my daughter had surgery which required me to be out of work for 6-7 weeks and beanie babies made that possible. We would not have survived without them. Everyone wanted a beanie. Everyone wanted the Princess Di bear. I sold some for $300. I look at it now and shake my head. People are willing to pay it and I was willing to sell it. I still see beanies around work that people bought from me. Right now I am looking at the ones I have on shelves by the computer. They make me smile and I have happy memories of them. We are getting a puppy this week and my husband found a beanie that looks like the puppy. It is a little white fuzzball and he gave it to Amy. We are going to call the puppy Logan so the beanie is Logan Jr. I like beanies.

I sat next to the child. Respirator on her face. Warm blanket to stop the temperature from dropping. Her dark hair and closed eyes. Whoosh. Whoosh. The machine breathed for her. I sat there for 13 days and watched her slip away into a world far away from me. It was time to say goodbye. I couldn't be there for the disconnect. I went to the chapel. It was quiet and serene. Unlike my soul. Unlike my life. I was about to say goodbye to my daughter. Try to imagine that. Try to imagine that countdown. In 15 minutes. 10 minutes. 5 minutes. 1 minute. It was time to go and say goodbye. I had to walk into that room where her daddy stood with the doctor. I saw her. Her eyes were closed and the mask was gone. I could see her face for the last time. I could say goodbye for the last time. I had to say goodbye for the last time.

Within me you grew and lived through my grief with me. It became a part of you. Life threw back its ugly head and laughed. You again were part of something you did not understand and it became a part of you. She was born and you lived through her life and it became a part of you. The hurt and the injured are drawn to you. And they become a part of you. You are embarking down an unknown path and I hope you let HIM become a part of you. You need His strength right now more than you even know. I hope that you reach out and let Him be there for you. Let my love be a part of you.

This is going to sound really dumb and really stupid. A few years ago my daughter started playing Neopets. She really enjoyed it and I got some pets for myself. It was something we could share and talk about and have fun with. She has decided not to do it anymore. I have kept it up even though she hasn't. I was looking at her stuff tonight and a wave of sadness hit me. I wanted to cry. She is really leaving the things of childhood behind her and growing up. It is hard to have your kid grow up and get ready to leave. I had a lot of struggles and tears about it the past year. I have gotten a lot stronger and more accepting of it though. It just caught me by surprise tonight and I have this lump just sitting in the pit of my stomach along with a few tears. I am so thankful that I have such a good relationship with her and her sister. I treasure that because it is so precious and so special. She is not only my daughter but my friend. I think that is why it makes it even harder to have ...

This has been a weird week. Terri Schiavo died. I was really upset about the whole thing that went on with that and how it was all portrayed by the media. Now the Pope dies. He was elected shortly after I was married. He was a great man. I had a major meltdown and took a day off work because of it. The stress of stuff really got to me and I needed to have a good cry. My knee hurt too so it was good to be off. I spent the morning at my mom's house and talked and cried. It helped a lot. I ended up going out to lunch with my parents. It was really nice. I had a real sense of peace after it all. I was very thankful. Denise, my friend and the mother of Sophia Grace, visited us with Sophie. She is seven months old and the most beautiful smiley happiest baby ever. Amy adored her. She giggled and laughed when Amy talked to her. We love this little girl who we prayed for a lot before she was even conceived. She is a real answer to prayer and what a blessing for Denise and Martin. Tonight m...

I am an avid Survivor fan. Survivor totally is the best of the best. I love it. I have seen every single episode since day one. I There is nothing I don't like about it. I love Trading Spaces and all the HGTV shows. Anything having to do with design will have a fan of me. Of course, my husband can't stand them. I turn them on and he leaves the room. I wish he would enjoy them. I do admit there are times that I have overdone it but I do try not to chase him away. Monk is a great show. Tony Shaloub is wonderful. I have always loved Columbo. No one is better than Peter Falk. I have always enjoyed mysteries. They have always been my favorite of the favorites. There is nothing better than a great mystery. Bewitched was a great show. I wanted to be as cool as Samantha Stevens. I am looking forward to seeing the movie. Nicole Kidman looks great in the preview. I know it isn't much but I am a big fan of hers. Gilmore Girls is a gem. Me and my girls enjoy watching it together. I h...

Maybe today I will write that letter. Maybe today I will bake those cookies. Maybe today I will talk to my kids. Maybe today I will learn how to knit. Maybe today I will take time for me. Maybe today I will turn off the tv. Maybe today I will learn Spanish. Maybe today I will sign up for that class. Maybe today I will tell my husband how much I love him. Maybe today I will tell my friend the most important thing in my life. Maybe today I will let the world know that life isn't worth anything unless you Know HIM. Maybe today I will let go of my fears. Maybe today I will take that risk. Maybe today I will reach out to the needy. Maybe today I won't yell at my daughter. Maybe today I will be more patient. Maybe today I will stop saying maybe and do it before I don't have anymore todays.

today or ever that you want me to do. Ha. ha. ha. Christilina is one of my favorite people in the whole wild world. Mama bear is 25 years old and one of the sweetest and funnest peoples anyone could wish to know. She is the mom of a very busy and energetic 9 month old little boy named Abraham. Abe is the apple of his mommy's eye. She was born to be a mother. If anyone was meant to be a mom, it was Christina. She worked for my family taking care of Amy. We loved her right from the start. I met her and gave her the key to the house after an hour. She is talented and lovely and wonderful. She is a very gifted writer. She used to send emails to her friends often detailing her life as a counselor with boys. We all looked forward to them and she pulled you into her life with her words. She will one day be a well known writer if that is her desire. Time brought you to us. Time kept you here with us. Time took you away from us. Time spent with us was your greatest gift.

Well it is dinner time or should I say, post dinner time. We had roast beef, mashed potatoes and corn. It was very tasty. I believe I shall have a bowl of chocolate ice cream to finish it off. It is a deep dark chocolate with peanut butter cups pieces. It makes my mouth water thinking of it. I loaded the dishwasher now that Kate has emptied it. I don't mind loading. It's always nice to get it loaded because it is such a marked difference in the kitchen. It is an easy and quick way to make it look cleaner. My husband is wonderful about doing the dishes. I would like it if he would also clean out the sink and wipe the counters. I would like it if Kate would do that but I will appreciate anything they do. I like the help so I don't have to do it all. Tonight I have to put Dane's pants in the dryer and then hang them. I always leave his shirts and pants for the last loads to wash and dry. I don't like hanging them. I never have and probably never will. I like doing laun...

Today is the first day of the rest of today. I bet that you can't do this she said as she blew a bubble of jello out her nose. Katie is in the midst of a tornado of her own making and she doesn't even know it. Amy is way too much like me. She scares me. Dane is the bestest of the best. Colleen is the sister I never had and I love her dearly. I still miss you Sarah even after all these years. You were my first song in the key of life. Kate was the best gift I ever got. She was the answer to all the prayers I had when I wanted to be a mom. Amy has been the greatest challenge and greatest joy. I want so much to believe but I need help in my unbelief. Please help me Lord. Dermot Mulroney is one fine looking man. I wish he would turn around. Eric did not rape her. Brynn almost gave me heart failure when she fell. It is way too cold today and I am really tired right now. The greatest gift is to love and be loved.....and to know that you ar...

I am extremely sad right now. Johnny Carson has died. I grew up watching Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show during my formative years. I learned about the great comedians of the past and great ones of the future. I cried when he left. It is weird as you get older to have the people you admire and love die. It is not fun. I used to stay up and watch JC with my dad. It was one of the few things we did together and enjoyed. My dad and I didn't have a lot of time together and this had a big influence on me. I laughed when he laughed and soon I laughed on my own. I learned about the world and fell in love with information and news and the world. Johnny Carson helped shape my world and how I viewed it.As I got older and went to school, he kept me awake doing finals and homework. I studied many long nights with Johnny in the background. Watergate was my real introduction to politics and JC's comments and insightful jokes gave me an additional perspective. I read there will not ...

Mother Ann my daughter says. She likes to call me Mother Ann when she is being tough with me. Of course, Ann is not a part of my name at all. She is being tough right now because I am going to talk about her in my blog. Oh no you're not she says. Well yes I am. She is my spitfire youngin and life is never dull around her. She is the funniest person I know. She can't help being funny. She says and does funny things all the time! Situations turn funny when she is added to the mix. I love her. My little Amester. You are the light of my life.

blogging that is. My daughter and her friends all blog but I am forbidden from reading them. She reluctantly tells me that I can but really means "Hell, no." I am therefore alone in the world of blog. Friendless, a newbie, the new new kid on the block. Can you be the new kid on the block when you are 48? Maybe. Doodledash is my name. I love it. I stumbled across it one day when I was looking in a Super Thesaurus that I have. I was trying to find some words for 'write' or 'scribble.' Doodle, dash, etc were listed and I was looking for an email address at the time that was fun and me. Doodledash just seemed to be perfect. So Doodledash I became. I googled doodledash and found someone played a clown they named Doodledash. There aren't many of us around. What's it like to be in the world of blogs? Is it fun? Is it interesting? I guess I will learn. I read one of Kim Komando's Daily Tips which said you can make money blogging. I may have t...