Yellow...


I have always liked the color yellow. My bedroom was a pale yellow growing up. My kitchen is a sunny happy yellow. I can't wear yellow it makes me look jaundiced. I do love the color though.


In the English language, yellow is associated with jaundice and being cowardly. It is the second color in a stop light indicating caution. A coward is called a yellow belly. It is associated with aging with both people and paper.

I feel yellow.Yellow in the way of being cowardly and cautious and old. I don't have the sunny happy yellow in me lately. I realized that I have been very impatient, snapping and reacting to everything. I do it without realized it. I even stopped talking for a while because I was walking on eggshells around myself. I didn't want to open my mouth and say something wrong. I have been really defensive and frustrated.

Unlike this lovely flower picured above I feel all moldy and dark inside. It is quite unpleasant.

Yesterday, I had a chat with the Lord and told him that I don't have a clue about what to do. I do not know what to do right now. I was very honest with him and told him some issues that I have and left the ball with him. I need some direction and the only thing I know is that I cannot do this my way anymore. It is making me thoroughly bored, frustrated, angry and tired.

I guess I will just sit here until I get the inspiration that I need. In the meantime, I will look at the flower and smile.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What was taken will be returned...

"What was taken will be returned" is a line from a song his friend wrote and I was listening to it when I decided it was time to tackle my blog. My husband was taken from us on June 2nd. It was too soon. I lost my best friend,  my anchor, my love on that day. He tried to prepare me for it, but I refused to give up. I didn't want to let him go I miss his stupid groaner jokes. I miss his smile. I miss holding his hand. I miss feeling his warmth at night. I could list a million things I miss, but it won't bring him back. Forty years ago on a hot September afternoon, he gave me his pledge of love to honor and cherish me until death do us part. He gave me his name. He gave me his whole heart. He gave me three wonderful daughters who stole his heart. He gave me strength and support.  He gave me everything he had and more. While he was sick and fighting the cancer,  he changed. He was no longer anxious. He was more understanding. He no longer let his pride get in the...
Read more

My own little corner of hell...

I believe in this thing called life we're all assigned our own little corner of hell to live through to help define the person we are and will be. It's not a case of feeling sorry for myself, although, an occasional pity party can work wonders. It's more how we face it, how we adapt to the situation that God has given us. I Cor 10:13 says  The only temptations that you have are the same temptations that all people have. But you can trust God. He will not let you be tempted more than you can bear. But when you are tempted, God will also give you a way to escape that temptation. Then you will be able to endure it. My saturation and endurance point is at the zenith and I'm standing about to crumble. It's so hard for me right now. I called to talk to my mom today because she is one of the few people who will listen and has a good perspective of the situation. I wanted to run away from home today but I couldn't because I didn't have my own car. I borrowed s...
Read more

Take a few steps back...

Instead of complaining and whining I'm going to take a few steps back and see what all the challenges have produced or brought to me. Amy's feet and legs were badly infected and swollen. The only way they could be treated and healed was by her hospitalization. The Lord used Jim to save Amy's life. God had laid her on his heart with an urgent need to pray. He visited us and told her and then prayed for her. This convinced her she needed to go to the ER. We discovered a serious breathing issue that Amy had when she was hospitalized. Amy would've died and we had no clue. Amy had stopped breathing and had a CODE BLUE respiratory failure. An emergency team swarmed her room and I was alone. Bob has worked at the hospital a lot for years. I called him and he only heard a few words and came. When I saw his face in the door, behind all the staff, I went to him and fell apart. I needed to have someone and he was my someone. Continual healing of Amy when it medically sho...
Read more