New words...
because I can't be the same person anymore.
My life journey of the past few weeks has taken me on some difficult paths. A dear friend of mine who I have worked with for 20+ years was diagnosed with sarcoma of the uterus. It was an advanced case and she just had a hysterectomy two days ago. When I found out she had cancer, I felt like I had been sucker punched and couldn't think or breathe. It has shaken me to the core and in a way I never knew possible. My mortality suddenly reached out and slapped me hard across the face.
I am not afraid to die. Death holds no fear for me. I have looked it in the eye and walked away from it. Sarah's death cured me of any fear I had. I have had many loved ones who have passed away and I have grieved their loss. Suddenly the possibility of one of my contemporaries, my friend, my cohort facing this horrible disease and losing her life to it became real.
Grief is a companion that we all travel with at some point of our life. I am not real fond of the dude. He is not much of a talker but when he speaks you listen cuz those sharp words that he speak burn you. It burns you deep down in the center of your heart. It rips out every bit of logic and reason. He speaks and you respond with the rawest of emotion and the roar of your heart.
I was driving home tonight half a block from home. I always slow down and look at the intersection because people frequently don't stop or even slow down. I looked to the right and my neighbor's car was parked along the street and I saw no cars. I started through and suddenly there was a car that was speeding through the intersection. I hit the brakes and he missed me by inches. He gave me a dirty look and continued on.
All I could do was sit there shaken and say "Thank you God" all the way home. I sat in my driveway shaking, knowing that I had been protected and I could very easily have been seriously hurt or worse. It was the cherry on the top of the events that have happened.
I have been contemplating all night and when I sat down to write and saw the title on my last entry it struck me how those truly could have been my last words but by the grace of God. So now these are new words and will continue to be.
My life journey of the past few weeks has taken me on some difficult paths. A dear friend of mine who I have worked with for 20+ years was diagnosed with sarcoma of the uterus. It was an advanced case and she just had a hysterectomy two days ago. When I found out she had cancer, I felt like I had been sucker punched and couldn't think or breathe. It has shaken me to the core and in a way I never knew possible. My mortality suddenly reached out and slapped me hard across the face.
I am not afraid to die. Death holds no fear for me. I have looked it in the eye and walked away from it. Sarah's death cured me of any fear I had. I have had many loved ones who have passed away and I have grieved their loss. Suddenly the possibility of one of my contemporaries, my friend, my cohort facing this horrible disease and losing her life to it became real.
Grief is a companion that we all travel with at some point of our life. I am not real fond of the dude. He is not much of a talker but when he speaks you listen cuz those sharp words that he speak burn you. It burns you deep down in the center of your heart. It rips out every bit of logic and reason. He speaks and you respond with the rawest of emotion and the roar of your heart.
I was driving home tonight half a block from home. I always slow down and look at the intersection because people frequently don't stop or even slow down. I looked to the right and my neighbor's car was parked along the street and I saw no cars. I started through and suddenly there was a car that was speeding through the intersection. I hit the brakes and he missed me by inches. He gave me a dirty look and continued on.
All I could do was sit there shaken and say "Thank you God" all the way home. I sat in my driveway shaking, knowing that I had been protected and I could very easily have been seriously hurt or worse. It was the cherry on the top of the events that have happened.
I have been contemplating all night and when I sat down to write and saw the title on my last entry it struck me how those truly could have been my last words but by the grace of God. So now these are new words and will continue to be.
Comments
AS you have said to me on so many occasions across the years, sometimes we just need to let the tears flow, let the Holy Spirit speak for us that which we cannont say, and allow our Heavenly Father to wrap his arms around us and rock us while we grieve. Even in the midst of our deepest dark times, God is always willing to turn on a light for us. We just need to open our eyes to see it.
Love you so very much and I am so sorry you are hurting.