The awakening...

Tonight I had one of those moments that stick with you forever. It is when something so dramatic happens that your life changes. I had my eyes opened and the blinders were removed.

I saw how much I have run away and avoided and procrastinated. I have been so afraid that I will just ignore a situation so it will go away. I saw first hand how my example has affected my daughter. She was mirroring my behavior totally. It upset me so much I had to go into the basement to be alone. I started sobbing at the pain that I felt and the overwhelming memories of things that I have done.

It was awful but it was also very healing.

I am not sure where I go from here but I know that it is UP!

Comments

Reina said…
I too am leaving procrastination in a particular area of my life behind, at least for a bit, and am aggressively pursuing 2 separate jobs in the next town over that are in my range of skills and experiences. They were not considered initially because they were only part time, but my beloved said my working is important, and part time is fine; they were also not initially pursued when found because I had been somewhat smuggly assuming the other job would come through where he works... Having been told that federal employment can take up to 6 months to come through, and knowing we don't have 6 months to wait, I have decided to move through my fear of not being "good enough" or skilled enough to take on something new and unknown and hope that this is what God wants for me, especially since the postings continue to be up almost 3 months after I first saw them listed... It is both freeing and terrifying! But as you said, it's time to move up/forward... God be with you and me both!
8:37 AM
Anonymous said…
Hi deb, I am one of your mystery guests, sorry I haven't put any comments in till now. I have tried but I guess I don't know what I am doing. Thank you for writing my daughter after her baby Royal died, that means more than I can say. This may look like a polite thank you but it is much more than that, there is alot of emotion attached. I have come close to calling you more than a few times but somthing always stops me. Procrastination perhaps? I have enjoyed reading your blogs and have been comforted by your experience. Thanks for being here, Love Reiden
8:05 AM
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