Going..going..almost gone..but not quite......

Abandoned. Lost. Cast adrift on a sea of lethargy.

I quit.

For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself? Luke 9:25

I have always thought of the losing or forfeiting yourself to be a spiritual eternal loss. I never thought that it could be applied to myself right now in the current reality of my life. I heard someone telling her story that she had to quit her church-which was a brave thing to do because she was the pastor's wife and the church was her life. She had reached a point of burn out, a place where she found she had lost herself. She did not know who she was and could no longer live with the way her life had turned out. She needed to pull back and leave to be healed.


I have poured myself into my family, my job, helping other people, worrying and being afraid. I was afraid to say no. I was afraid of conflict. I was afraid of rocking the boat. It was easier to be compliant and complacent.

Guess what? I am miserable and I don't want to be miserable anymore. I can't stay on the same course and I have to stop and get off the ride. I am afraid of what will happen. I have a choice. I didn't know I had a choice. I really didn't know I had the right to say no. I can say NO. I can refuse. I can choose to stop and not go along with the crowd.

I don't like me. I don't know me. I don't trust me. I need to be able to know who I am. Other people seem to have no problem identifying me it's just me who can't.

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