45 minutes...

I have 45 minutes of me time right now until I have to leave for work.  For the moment I have chosen to use some of them for writing this.

I had a disturbing revelation this morning that will be my topic of pondering for quite a while. I realized that all my life I have tried to be a lot of different people. I have tried to be my mom, my dad, my aunts, an uncle or two,  my husband, my neighbors, my friends, my respected people, my aquaintances, my coworkers, my kids, and others. It was a matter of I thought I would be better if I acted like (insert name here) .  Now there was one very important name missing in the list. It was mine. I was trying to be everyone else but Debbie. 

So now all these thoughts are flooding through my head...I don't have to be a (insert word here) . I don't have to be a math whiz like ( insert name here) , I don't have to be like (insert name here) , etc. It is very scary, very liberating, very exciting, very life changing. 

I don't have to do all these things that were on the list that I didn't even realize I had made. No wonder I was always feeling so burdened down and discouraged. I felt like I never measured up. I just didn't realize that what I didn't measure up to was the IMPOSSIBLE. How in the world could I expect to be a frankenstein collection of all these different people and personalities and traits and be happy? I couldn't.

New list. Old one burned. 


New list.


  1. Be myself. 
  2. Learn how to do that.
  3. Better ask the Lord to open my eyes some more. 
  4. 52 years of the old list. 15 minutes of the new.

 

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