Smother

I just watched or should I say fast forwarded through a movie called Smother. Diane Keaton, Liv Tyler, Ken Howard, Dax Shepard were the stars. I did not enjoy it at all. I hoped it would get better but it didn't. I do not recommend it.

Point of this all is the plot sounded interesting, I like the stars, and I gave it a shot. It cost me a dollar. Thank goodness for Redbox.

Smother is what I have been doing to myself for a very long time. I have done my best to be a people pleaser. I want to please and not upset. I therefore have been stifled by my own actions. I then get angry and resentful because I am not happy. I have learned to not communicate. I have smothered my emotions, my thoughts until I do not know what I genuinely think or feel about something. This fact causes no end of aggravation and argument because I cannot give a quick honest opinion and so I end up saying what I think wants to be heard and I get more frustrated and angry. I know that was a terrible run on sentence but it was necessary.

In a previous blog, I said I was going to make changes. This is one of my changes. I am stopping to examine and think about what I feel. I am trying to discover who I am. It is a hard thing to do. It is a hard habit to break. I have to start somewhere so that seemed a good place.

Keep me in your prayers. I need it.

Comments

Reina said…
What an insightful thought: trying to please everyone else to the point that one no longer knows ones own opinion on things. It stung a little because I do that to sometimes. Not as much as I used to, but still enough to feel used and resentful at times. Thanks for the timely message!

I will be praying for both of us!
7:27 AM
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