I had a dream once...

when I was young and ignorant that I would get married and live happily ever after. I dreamed that I would meet my Prince Charming and he would save me from the world. He would solve all my problems and life would be wonderful.

I did meet my prince but his name wasn't Charming. It was Dane. He didn't solve all my problems and life wasn't always wonderful. He didn't save me from the world but he helped me to learn to save myself along with a lot of help from God.

Along with my thoughts of Prince Charming, I thought I could have whatever I wanted too. I had grown up the only girl and the oldest of several brothers. I had learned how to control and manipulate them from a young age. Queen Me controlled the TV, had willing slaves who waited on me and always got up when I entered the room so I could sit in my favorite seat. They were well trained.

One day I opened my mouth and bragged that I could get them to do anything I wanted. My brother who was helping me at the time, stopped mid step and said, "Not anymore." My arrogance had ruined a very good thing.

Anyway, back to the dream. I thought I would be able to mold and shape my prince into my ideal man. Little did I consider the fact that maybe he didn't want to be molded into my perfect image of him. I was able to get my way for a while but one day the prince had had enough and decided to let me know that I wasn't Queen Me. One day he firmly stopped me in my tracks and shocked the crap out of me when he told me "Not anymore."

The party was over and I was in for some major wound licking which lasted for a very long time. I couldn't believe that this man who I thought was my sweet mushy clay was actually granite inside. I fought him at every opportunity and struggled to still get my way. There was no way in hell that I was gonna go down without a fight.

I wish I would have saved us both a lot of pain and time and just surrendered. I am a very strong, persistent and determined individual and it has taken many unnecessary years to bring me to the point where I can admit I should have listened to him a long time ago. I sure would have avoided a lot of difficulties. I wasn't willing and I had to go the long way around to learn the lessons I needed.

Here are some pearls of wisdom that I have gleaned from the years. I hope they will help some along the way and maybe provide a shortcut to a few.

It's okay to be wrong. Perfection is way overrated.

Let him have the big piece once in a while. It will make you both happy.

Sometimes he does know how to get there.

Let him drive without your help all the time.

Biting your tongue can hurt but a lot less than what you might say.

You don't need to have the last word.

Don't use tears to get your way. It may backfire in the future when you really need him.

Don't become strangers. One day the kids will be gone and you have to live with each other. Hopefully.

Once upon a time you were best friends. Keep it that way.

Be willing to watch a game with him. You might actually like it.

Togetherness is not always necessary. It is okay to have your own friends and own interests. It keeps you interesting.

Love is not a squishy tickling feeling in your belly.

Love is standing in each others arms saying goodbye to your child for the last time.

Love is sharing the deep sighs and the glances and the looks.

Love is the stupid little thing you gave him a long time ago that he still keeps.



Comments

Anonymous said…
I am so happy you have someone in your life who has been there through thick and thin. I envy that and I have learned so much from your struggles... My dad always said marriage was not a ready made thing; rather, it was a commitment to each other to be committed to each other, and grew from there. I had thought my marriage would be happily ever after, but it wasn't. Still, God in His wisdom has been kind, and now? Who knows what the future will be for me!

Love ya both, and those kids of yours too...

Reina
6:43 AM
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