Sometimes the answer from God is silence...
and it doesn't mean that He isn't listening. It means that He is God and He doesn't want to say anything at this time. He is the one who made us and He doesn't owe us an explanation for anything.
I grew up knowing about God from childhood. My grandma was a prayer warrior who was a bitty little thing and a strong breeze could blow her over. She was physically frail but spiritually a mighty giant. She introduced me to God, to prayer and to faith. It was as natural to her as breathing. I loved her dearly and wanted to have what she had. I wanted to have her faith and believe in the God she knew. So at some time at a very young age I got to know Him and He became mine. He has been the center of my life and I cannot imagine how anyone lives without Him.
When Sarah was born, I prayed and believed she would be healed. I truly believed but I never saw it. She died and she was finally healed in heaven. My prayers weren't answered my way. I had to give her up since she was never mine to begin with, she was on loan to me for a time. I was shell shocked and numb when she died. I was so pissed off at God that I wouldn't talk to Him. I couldn't talk to Him because it just hurt too much and I didn't know what to say.
I don't really remember when I called Him out but I do recall that He patiently listened to me and didn't strike me dead. I am sure I deserved it. I wasn't real respectful or gracious. I used a lot of really nasty language and told Him what was on my mind. I hated what He had done. I hated the pain. I hated the fact that there was an empty bed where my little girl was supposed to be sleeping. I hated Him for doing this to me. I hated Him for not healing her. How dare He do that to me. Me who had believed and done everything I was supposed to and here I was with empty arms. It wasn't fair. It wasn't supposed to happen that way. I had a whole different plan for my life and it certainly didn't include losing my daughter.
Life really sucked. I yelled at God and pouted and swore and had a ginormous temper tantrum. Poor little me. I had lost my child. I had loved her with all my heart. I was a good mother, an outstanding mother and now I was no longer a mother. Who the effenheimer did He think He was to do this to me? It was bad enough that she was disabled and life was hard but then to drive the knife even deeper by taking her was the worst.
I had a dream and a plan. I wanted to get married, have a family, be a wife and mother. I wanted to get involved in church and be the perfect family. Now my dreams were dead as my daughter. I didn't care if I lived or died. Actually I preferred the die part and was too chicken to really do anything about it.
So here I am faced with a bleak future. Dead kid, dead dream, and I was too busy hurting. I hurt but I also knew deep down in my heart the only way I was going to get through it all was with the help of the Lord. I didn't know how to let go of the pain or the anger. I didn't even want to but I knew somehow I had to do it. I prayed and told God that I was mad and I didn't want to stop being mad. I wanted to hold on to the pain and suck it in. I wanted to feel the shards of it biting into me. It hurt but I wanted to hurt. I wanted it but I wanted Him more. I asked Him to forgive me and somehow to please help me.
He helped me in the most unexpected way. He gave me another child. I was shocked when I discovered I was pregnant. It was the last thing I ever imagined. God listened to me but He never told me why. He never answered my questions. He walked with me through the pain and He taught me so much that I would never have learned any other way. In the midst of the tears and the anger, I discovered what faith was and I never turned back.
We all make choices in life and some of them are not the right ones but once they are made, they become the right ones. We choose the path we will take. We choose the attitude that we will have. We choose. God doesn't choose for us. We do. We have to live with the consequences of our choices and sometimes the journey that results from them is extraordinarily difficult.
Diamonds are formed at only extremely high temperatures and under extreme pressure deep within the earth. The diamonds are delivered to the surface by explosive volcanic pressure. The term a "diamond in the rough" is very accurate. A diamond is ugly and doesn't seem very extraordinary but in the right hands it can become an incredible thing of beauty. An expert gem cutter takes a stone and studies it. He learns everything he can about. He studies the imperfections and will use them to determine the best shape for the stone. He will transform a dull and unimpressive stone into a priceless gem.
God is the greatest gem cutter there is because He is the one who made us and He knows the best design for us. He uses our imperfections and the circumstances in our lives to shape us into the person He wants us to be.
I am sure that if a diamond could speak, it would tell of its incredible and difficult journey that it took to become a sparkling gem. I wonder if it would say that it was worth it all. I sure hope so because I know that for all the difficulties of my journey it was worth it all.
I grew up knowing about God from childhood. My grandma was a prayer warrior who was a bitty little thing and a strong breeze could blow her over. She was physically frail but spiritually a mighty giant. She introduced me to God, to prayer and to faith. It was as natural to her as breathing. I loved her dearly and wanted to have what she had. I wanted to have her faith and believe in the God she knew. So at some time at a very young age I got to know Him and He became mine. He has been the center of my life and I cannot imagine how anyone lives without Him.
When Sarah was born, I prayed and believed she would be healed. I truly believed but I never saw it. She died and she was finally healed in heaven. My prayers weren't answered my way. I had to give her up since she was never mine to begin with, she was on loan to me for a time. I was shell shocked and numb when she died. I was so pissed off at God that I wouldn't talk to Him. I couldn't talk to Him because it just hurt too much and I didn't know what to say.
I don't really remember when I called Him out but I do recall that He patiently listened to me and didn't strike me dead. I am sure I deserved it. I wasn't real respectful or gracious. I used a lot of really nasty language and told Him what was on my mind. I hated what He had done. I hated the pain. I hated the fact that there was an empty bed where my little girl was supposed to be sleeping. I hated Him for doing this to me. I hated Him for not healing her. How dare He do that to me. Me who had believed and done everything I was supposed to and here I was with empty arms. It wasn't fair. It wasn't supposed to happen that way. I had a whole different plan for my life and it certainly didn't include losing my daughter.
Life really sucked. I yelled at God and pouted and swore and had a ginormous temper tantrum. Poor little me. I had lost my child. I had loved her with all my heart. I was a good mother, an outstanding mother and now I was no longer a mother. Who the effenheimer did He think He was to do this to me? It was bad enough that she was disabled and life was hard but then to drive the knife even deeper by taking her was the worst.
I had a dream and a plan. I wanted to get married, have a family, be a wife and mother. I wanted to get involved in church and be the perfect family. Now my dreams were dead as my daughter. I didn't care if I lived or died. Actually I preferred the die part and was too chicken to really do anything about it.
So here I am faced with a bleak future. Dead kid, dead dream, and I was too busy hurting. I hurt but I also knew deep down in my heart the only way I was going to get through it all was with the help of the Lord. I didn't know how to let go of the pain or the anger. I didn't even want to but I knew somehow I had to do it. I prayed and told God that I was mad and I didn't want to stop being mad. I wanted to hold on to the pain and suck it in. I wanted to feel the shards of it biting into me. It hurt but I wanted to hurt. I wanted it but I wanted Him more. I asked Him to forgive me and somehow to please help me.
He helped me in the most unexpected way. He gave me another child. I was shocked when I discovered I was pregnant. It was the last thing I ever imagined. God listened to me but He never told me why. He never answered my questions. He walked with me through the pain and He taught me so much that I would never have learned any other way. In the midst of the tears and the anger, I discovered what faith was and I never turned back.
We all make choices in life and some of them are not the right ones but once they are made, they become the right ones. We choose the path we will take. We choose the attitude that we will have. We choose. God doesn't choose for us. We do. We have to live with the consequences of our choices and sometimes the journey that results from them is extraordinarily difficult.
Diamonds are formed at only extremely high temperatures and under extreme pressure deep within the earth. The diamonds are delivered to the surface by explosive volcanic pressure. The term a "diamond in the rough" is very accurate. A diamond is ugly and doesn't seem very extraordinary but in the right hands it can become an incredible thing of beauty. An expert gem cutter takes a stone and studies it. He learns everything he can about. He studies the imperfections and will use them to determine the best shape for the stone. He will transform a dull and unimpressive stone into a priceless gem.
God is the greatest gem cutter there is because He is the one who made us and He knows the best design for us. He uses our imperfections and the circumstances in our lives to shape us into the person He wants us to be.
I am sure that if a diamond could speak, it would tell of its incredible and difficult journey that it took to become a sparkling gem. I wonder if it would say that it was worth it all. I sure hope so because I know that for all the difficulties of my journey it was worth it all.
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